Sally was having difficulty keeping up in school. Her grades were failing and she stayed away from school more than the allotted number of days aloud. The school contacted Sally's parents and suggested that they get some outside counseling for their daughter, which they did. After a few sessions with her counselor, Sally came home and bitterly announced to her mother that she was the cause of all Sally's problems. If she had been a better mother, then Sally wouldn't be going through such misery, she wouldn't be suffering from such low self esteem. She would not have tried drugs and she wouldn't be drinking alcohol every chance she gets. She would be more active in school and more socially adjusted and much more likable than she is.

Sally's mother has been named the root of all Sally's problems and Sally now feels that she should punish her mother, get even with her, and give her a taste of her own medicine, for what the counselor has told her. Sally also now feels cut off from her birth source, she is suffering from the loneliness of alienation of her mother. She had been having a communicating problem for some time with her mother and the counselor just put the final touches on the situation by telling her that all her problems stemmed back to her mother.

What a heavy burden to lay on anyone! Sally is burdened with an imperfect mother and lot's of problems to overcome, while Sally's mother is burdened with the judgment of the counselor for not being a good enough parent. Both hearts are heavy with sadness. Both minds are defensive. Neither Sally nor her parent wants to be wrong, Sally for doing the drugs and skipping school, her mother for being an in adequate parent.

First comes feelings of hurts, then denial, then depression, for both Sally and her mother. Finally, much, much later, comes healing. Are our counselors suppose to drive us into a state of despair before they can help us heal? Is it necessary to point the finger of blame onto someone? Is it human nature to blame others for our own failings or shortcomings?

When a person knows that they have done something that is considered to be wrong by their own standards, or by the standards of their family, they very often can't stand to accept responsibility for that wrong doing, so they blame someone else. "Such and such made me do it."

Blaming someone else comes from inner guilt that we hope no one will find out about doing something we felt was wrong, but denied those feelings. It also comes from denial that we could be anything but perfect. So if a loud enough noise is made, heaping piles of blame onto the shoulders of someone else, then we hope that everyone will be too busy shaming the other person to notice that we are really to blame for our own decisions. And around and around we go. Isn't it time to get off the merry-go-round of blaming others for our decisions and for our actions?

Let's take the situation of the counselor telling Sally that her mother was to blame for Sally's bad attitudes. Where is that coming from? What is a mother anyway? A mother gives birth to us. She gives us love and is our protector, our teacher, our care provider along with the father, but not always with a father. What does all this mean? First and foremost a mother gives her child love.

Hum, it seems to me that we should discover how a child learns from their mother and what 'love' is, if our mother is supposed to give us this love thing. A child learns by imitating anyone who comes in contact with them, but especially their mother. A child is usually very attuned to their mother. What happens if a mother does not understand that their child will mimic everything they say and do? If what the mother says conflicts with what she does, then there will be confusion in the mind of the child. For example. Sally's mother told Sally over and over again that she was not to drink alcohol, but every other night or so, Sally's mother had some beer. On weekends, she went to the local pub and drank hard liquor. Sally's mother was not practicing what she preached. She gave off two signals and children will follow the actions over the statements nearly every time.

Sally's mother told Sally that she was not to hit people, but then Sally's mother hit Sally for wetting her pants. Two different signals. Sally will follow the actions, that is human nature. Sally's mother told her that it is not nice to yell, but then Sally's mother yells almost to screaming at Sally when Sally spilt some milk on the floor. Again, Sally will follow the actions of her mother, and in this case, the action was very destructive and negative.

Now do you understand why the counselor said that Sally got her problems from her mother? OOPS. BUT, why didn't the counselor also tell Sally that Sally's problems were coming from mimicking wrongs actions. Sally's mother probably had a mother who did just like she did, said one thing and did another, the old double standards routine.

Sally's mother's intentions were probably very good, but she had not taking the time to learn about herself first. Know yourself. Know why you do the things you do and why you say the things you say. Know how you respond to people and how they react to you. Know how foods affect your body, know what pleases you and what does not please you. Know what motivates you and what stops you from doing. Get to know yourself. Take responsibility for your own life. Get to know who you are, before you take on the responsibility of being a 'bad parent' and having your child come home from a counselors one day and accusing you of being the cause of that child's problems.

Stop blaming others when things seem to go wrong and start solving your own situations. Love yourself. You are worth loving and no one can ever love you as much as you can love yourself. When you love yourself, you become in tune with nature and our creator. You become a strong self-reliant person worthy of being any one's teacher, child or other wise. You can only give out what love you have for yourself, so, take control of your destiny. Start at the beginning of it all and learn to love yourself and life around you. Be thankful for being alive and do something good and something enjoyable with your life. And the greatest of these things is LOVE.